Finding Stillness in the Noise: When Behaviour Speaks Louder Than Words

What does it mean to live with a child with relational and developmental trauma? 
It’s a big, loaded question. One thing is certain: although it can be hugely rewarding, it is also a rollercoaster. There are moments of deep joy alongside moments of real heartache. The ongoing work of consistency, empathy and understanding that carers and parents offer – often quietly and without recognition – is second to none and deserves to be acknowledged. 

As the year draws to a close and a new one waits ahead, this can be a natural time for reflection. A moment to pause, look back over the year, learn from what has been, and gently wonder about what the year ahead might hold. 

Over the past year, the children and families I work with have taught me so much. Perhaps most powerfully, they have reminded me how important it is to be heard as an individual. They have taught me how to truly listen. 

Behaviour communicates something. Always. 
Whether we feel elated and on top of the world, or rejected, isolated and misunderstood, our feelings will find a way to be expressed through our actions. 

Things become more complex when many behaviours are present at once – and by this, I mean ours as well. As adults, we feel deeply too. Life impacts us. We carry our own narratives, shaped by early experiences and everything life has shown us since. When we take time to understand and recognise “our stuff,” we become more able to listen openly to what a child is trying to communicate. 

So often, children don’t yet have the words. But when we are present, regulated and engaged, we can help them begin to find those words. We can support them to make sense of their actions, to attach meaning and understanding to what they feel. Over time, this can help them feel more in control, more understood, and less alone. 

Christmas inevitably brings with it a wide range of emotions for everyone. It is a charged and busy time of year, one that can quickly become overwhelming if not held with care. This invites a gentle question: how do we create space within ourselves to truly listen over the holidays? How do we offer our children a voice amidst the noise, expectations and busyness? 

Perhaps the answer isn’t in doing more, but in slowing down. 
In noticing. In being curious rather than reactive. In remembering that connection, not perfection, is what creates safety. If we can offer ourselves compassion alongside our children, we create the conditions for repair, understanding and hope to grow – both now, and in the year ahead. 

Are you plugged in this Christmas?

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