Hang on… what do I actually need right now?

Do we know what we need, and when we need it? 

Every moment of our lives is shaped by what is happening around and within us. We are sensory beings, constantly taking in information: changes in noise, light, movement, smells; internal cues like hunger, temperature, or tension. Our brains are always scanning, always processing. For some, this happens quietly in the background. For others, it can feel relentless, overwhelming, even exhausting. 

As we grow, many of us learn ways to regulate ourselves. We develop strategies – some consciously, others through experience – that help us stay within a manageable emotional range. But this isn’t true for everyone. And even when it is, what once worked may no longer fit. Our circumstances change. Our environments shift. Our needs evolve. 

So we come back to the question: do we actually know what we need, and when we need it? 

The role of a caring adult in a child’s life is both simple and deeply complex. In theory, we aim to provide safety, attunement, and regulation. In reality, we bring our own sensory profiles, histories, and thresholds into every interaction. 

An adult who finds mess overwhelming may struggle to stay present during messy play. Someone sensitive to certain smells might find themselves shutting down in situations where a child needs support the most. These are not failures – they are human responses. 

But they do matter. 

Because when adult needs and child needs collide, things can quickly become complicated. Supporting a child to regulate becomes incredibly difficult if the adult is dysregulated themselves. Co-regulation depends on the adult’s capacity to remain, or return to, a regulated state. 

Quite simply: we cannot effectively parent from a place of dysregulation. 

Self-awareness often begins with small moments of noticing. It might be recognising the early signs that things are becoming too much: a shift in your body, a drop in patience, a growing sensitivity to what’s around you. These signals can be easy to miss, but they give us a chance to respond differently. 

Sometimes, it helps to gently name what’s happening: “this is feeling a bit much right now.” Not as blame, but as a way of making sense of the moment. 

From there, small adjustments can make a difference. Pausing, lowering expectations, or simplifying what’s being asked can create just enough space to reset. Within that space, even a brief moment of regulation (a slower breath, a step back, a sensory anchor) can help us stay present. 

And when things don’t go as we’d hoped, we have repair. Coming back with, “that felt hard, but I’m here now” shows that disconnection isn’t the end of the story. 

Perhaps self-awareness isn’t always about knowing exactly what we need in the moment. Perhaps it’s about becoming more curious and compassionate towards ourselves over time. 

When we begin to understand our own sensory and emotional worlds, we increase our capacity to stay with a child’s experience, even when it’s hard. 

Not perfectly. But enough. 

Knowing what we need

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