What is the therapeutic process? We often hear therapists refer to “the therapeutic process” and wonder what this actually means. In truth, it is not really a neat or linear process at all. Therapy rarely moves in straight lines. There may be stages and a sense of progression, but children often move backwards and forwards between them. Each therapeutic journey will look different.

Before any therapeutic work can begin, a child first needs to feel safe within the relationship. In play therapy, this becomes the focus at the beginning of the process. The therapist welcomes the child, follows their lead, and helps them become comfortable in both the room and the relationship itself. Starting therapy can feel daunting, so gentle preparation beforehand can help — perhaps a letter or short video from the therapist, or pictures of the room and building. Understanding the child’s history is also essential in making the process trauma-responsive. A hypervigilant child, for example, may need to know who else is in the building, what the different rooms are used for, or when people may walk past the therapy space.

As trust develops, children may begin to communicate feelings and experiences that are “implicit” — memories and emotions stored within the body rather than in conscious words. Think about how a smell or a piece of music can suddenly bring a feeling, even if you cannot fully remember the event itself. Through play, metaphor, movement, and relationship, the therapist gently helps the child begin to make sense of these experiences and build a bridge between what is felt and what can eventually be understood and spoken about.

This has to happen carefully, almost like a dance — knowing when to follow the child’s lead and when it feels safe enough to gently guide.

For example, after several sessions, a child named Johnny uses the sand tray to create a scene where one figure stands surrounded by soldiers pointing guns at him. Earlier in the week, Johnny had struggled at school and later told his caring adult that he felt everyone was against him and nobody was listening. Holding this in mind, the therapist notices aloud how frightening it must feel to be the figure trapped in the middle. Johnny quietly nods. The therapist gently wonders whether Johnny has ever felt like that himself, perhaps even at school that week. Again, Johnny nods while continuing to move the sand.

In that moment, Johnny does not need to explain everything in words. The therapist has recognised and accepted his experience, allowing him to feel understood without pressure. Johnny communicates first through metaphor, and only then allows a small step towards shared understanding. The therapist follows Johnny’s pace carefully, knowing this may be all he can manage for now. Another time, they may return to these feelings again.

This dance between safety, play, relationship, and understanding continues throughout much of therapy. Over time, children often become more able to tolerate difficult feelings, reflect on their experiences, and make sense of themselves and others.

And this is only the beginning of the therapeutic process. There is still much more to unfold. In the next part, we’ll explore how therapy can support deeper emotional integration and lasting change.

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A Little Here, A Little There: Beginning the Therapeutic Process

Filters, Feelings, and the 7% Problem