Before Therapy Begins: Safety, Readiness, and the Foundations of Healing
When is it a good time for therapy?
This is an important question – because it’s not always the right time. As adults, we might have an instinct about when we are ready for therapy, but knowing when a child is ready can be far more complex. We’ve talked before about why therapy matters and the risks of leaving trauma unprocessed, but timing is equally crucial. How do we know when a child is truly ready to begin? And just as importantly, how do we know if we, as the caring adults around them, are ready to support that process?
Children who have experienced developmental or relational trauma, especially those who are care-experienced, need time to settle into a new family or environment. When they finally feel safe and stable, it can seem counterintuitive to introduce therapy – why “rock the boat”? But in reality, a child’s sense of safety is exactly what allows therapeutic work to begin. Without this foundation, many children continue operating from a state of hyperarousal, making it difficult to explore feelings, memories, or behaviours.
A clear sign of readiness is curiosity: the child may start asking questions about their story, their feelings, or patterns they’ve noticed. They might begin to wonder, reflect, or show an interest in understanding themselves. Another essential factor is that the therapeutic approach must be a good fit. Beginning therapy only to discover it isn’t suitable can leave a child feeling confused or discouraged about what help “should” feel like.
Readiness also includes the adults around the child. Therapy often stirs up challenging emotions – it can feel like opening a can of worms. During this phase, children need even more empathy, acceptance, and co-regulation. That requires emotional capacity, consistency, and support from carers and professionals. Their involvement is not optional – it’s part of the healing.
At the same time, therapy is not always the right choice. If a child is already navigating major changes – new school, new home, new family dynamics – adding therapy may feel overwhelming. Similarly, if they’re receiving other emotional or behavioural support, we should avoid overloading them with competing approaches. And if a child is still struggling to trust adults at a basic relational level, formal therapy may be premature. In these cases, nurturing routines, playful connection, sensory regulation, and strengthened caregiving relationships may be far more effective as a foundation.
Therapy isn’t “now or never.” It’s “when the time is right.” And the right time is when safety, readiness, stability, and support line up.
There is no perfect moment to begin therapy, but there is a right moment – one where the child feels safe enough to explore, the adults around them feel steady enough to support, and the environment provides enough stability to hold the process. Therapy should never feel like an additional stressor; it should feel like an extension of the safety already growing in the child’s world. When readiness aligns with the right therapeutic fit, the process can be deeply transformative. And when it’s not the right time, that’s not a failure – it’s simply a sign that the foundations still need tending. Healing is a journey, and beginning at the right moment makes all the difference.
Why rock the boat?
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