It Takes a Village: Reclaiming the Courage to Ask for Help

Who or what convinces us that we are better off alone? Many schools of thought emphasise the value of joining forces, working collaboratively, and standing united. Yet Western society has, in many ways, drifted from a “village” approach. Instead, we often receive an implicit message that we must be self-sufficient, that independence is the ideal, and that every person should manage on their own. In such a culture, asking for help can feel like an admission of weakness rather than a natural part of living in community. But where did we learn that we “should” be able to do everything ourselves? 

For children with insecure attachment histories, asking for help may be even more challenging. An avoidantly attached child may have reached out for support in infancy, only to find their needs, for whatever reason, unmet. Over time, they internalise the belief that help simply does not come, so relying on oneself feels safer. A child with ambivalent attachment may have received inconsistent responses – sometimes help was available, sometimes not – leading to uncertainty and confusion about whether seeking support is worthwhile. These early relational patterns can strengthen the belief that independence is essential: I know what I need, no one else truly can, so I should just manage it myself. 

So how do we shift this mindset? If two heads are indeed better than one, and if sharing the load allows us to draw on a wider range of strengths, why does “team” feel so much harder than “I”? Why has this communal message faded? At Popeth, our values are grounded in the familiar proverb: it takes a village to raise a child. And it does. Raising children is profoundly challenging – often the hardest work we do, and the only job for which we have no formal qualification. As caring adults, we will inevitably get things wrong; we cannot always provide the right help at the right moment. But we can shape a culture where asking for help is not only accepted but encouraged. 

Perhaps the first step toward changing this mindset lies in what we model. If we want children to believe that asking for help is safe and valuable, they need to see us doing it ourselves. When we reach out to others – whether for practical support, emotional reassurance, or shared thinking – we show that needing help is not a flaw but a natural part of being human. 

As adults, we can begin to speak openly about times when we don't have all the answers. We can acknowledge moments when collaboration makes things easier or when another person’s perspective brings clarity we wouldn’t have reached alone. In doing so, we gently challenge the myth of self-sufficiency. 

We can also start to normalise the experience of needing support. By naming it - “This is hard; I’m going to ask someone to help me think it through” - we turn help-seeking into something visible and ordinary. When children witness predictable, warm, and reliable responses to requests for support, they begin to learn that help does arrive, and that reaching out can feel safe rather than risky. 

Through shared problem-solving, stories, play, and everyday interactions, we can weave in examples of how characters, families, and communities become stronger through connection. Over time, these small experiences build a new internal message: I don’t have to manage everything alone. Asking for help brings people closer, not further apart. 

Togetherness

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