How do we begin to understand something when no one has told us it even exists?

With the sheer volume of information available today, knowing where to start can feel like navigating a minefield. Conflicting views and ever-evolving research only add to the overwhelm. It’s easier than ever to access knowledge—yet harder than ever to discern what is useful, truthful, or relevant.

We often hear the phrase, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” And in many cases, that holds true. Knowing someone who is reliable, informed, and willing to share can make all the difference. But sometimes, we don’t have those people around us. Sometimes, we don’t even know the right question to ask—because we don’t yet know what we need to learn.

You may be wondering how this applies to my usual thoughts on trauma or therapy?

This weekend, I was at a birthday party. I found myself chatting with another parent who cares for her relative’s daughter. As she shared some of her lived experiences, I recognised signs familiar to those who work with children in the care system or with developmental trauma. She mentioned she’d heard of attachment theory but admitted she didn’t understand what it meant in practice. As we talked, I could see the relief in her face - someone finally understood. Someone could explain a little of what she had been sensing but couldn’t name.

It struck me deeply. This woman, so clearly committed and loving, was parenting a child with a trauma-shaped brain, yet she had little knowledge of what that really meant or how it could be supported. Not because she didn’t want to know, but because no one had ever told her. And how can we search for something we don’t know we’re missing?

This is where the village comes in. That network of people around a child - around each other - matters. It’s easy to stay silent, worried about overstepping or being seen as interfering. But when we approach others with compassion and humility, we can open doors to understanding. A quiet conversation, a gentle suggestion, or a simple, “Have you heard of…?” can be the start of real support.

So, what can you do today?

Maybe there’s someone in your circle who is carrying more than they let on. Perhaps you’ve learned something that could help them feel less alone. When shared with kindness, knowledge becomes connection. And connection makes all the difference.

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"When We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know: The Power of Gentle Sharing"

What Does It Really Mean to Accept Someone? The Hidden Work Behind True Connection.